Zcash will crash just like Gavincoin, Garzikcoin, XT, SegWit, and Classic. Now you know.

Nearly a lifetime time ago in Bitcoin, likely before you were born, there was an altcoin called Gavincoin. It had 20 MB blocks. And in case you hadn’t heard, it failed to gain traction with users in the face of intense opposition by The Most Serene Republic of Bitcoin, where Bitcoin policy is set.

Not that this was the only attack on Bitcoin by the various and sundry polished turds picking up the enemy’s pennies in front of our steamroller, lest we forget that there was also XT (also with 20 MB blocks), Garzikcoin (up to 32 MB blocks), SegWit, (same blocksize but loss of signature validation by nodes), most recently, Classic (2 MB blocks), and probably several other even less salient and less notable examples, all of which have been lost to the relentless march of blocks. Every one of these attacks failed in the face of the threat of economic ruin at the merciless and by-now-calloused hands of TMSR~, that #bitcoin-assets-based lighthouse of civility in a sea of trouble. Yet despite all of these repeated efforts, each boasting of strong retard “innovative” even more than the last,i there has yet to be meaningful competition – that is, in praxis and not in somnis – to the decrees of TMSR~ and its TRB reference implementation.ii

Not that this has stopped the various statist assets from “trying” – just as the USAF does with their drone program – because what else is there ? It’s not as if they can go home to their wives and admit that their entire lives have been utter wastes and that they’re not sure they can go on. Impossibru !!!1

So where do all the washed-up, burned-out, skin-flailed, empty-headed, “coders” and “investors” go when they’ve been politically killed by the reigning force in the Bitcoin universe ? Why, on to the next project ! So it is that this latest sorry band of retarded misfits and homeless vagabondsiii finds themselves under the leadership of Zooko Wilcox, a seemingly low-level grunt I remember following back in my Twitter days and who since appears to have started some sort of cloud storage companyiv and now finds his very average-looking, bearded mug as the USG poster child for and “privacy” for “empower and uplift the billions of good people on this planet.”v

Now, for your enlightenment and entertainment, let’s take a look at Zooko’s Zcash announcement blog post entitled, “Hello, world!” :

Zooko | Jan 20, 2016

I’m extremely happy to announce the Zcash project.

Zcash (formerly “Zerocash”/“Zerocoin”) is a project to create a new currency for the Internet, inspired by Bitcoin.

Bitcoin is an amazing and complex machine, but the most important thing about it is simple: it is an open financial system which anyone can connect to without requiring permission from anyone else. For the same reason, anyone can extend and improve it without permission.

Making a financial system open is revolutionary, and seven years into the Bitcoin project, we’re still in the early days of understanding what’s possible, what’s impossible, and how the possibilities will play out in real communities and economies around the globe.

The improvement that we are adding is privacy. We have assembled a world-class team of cryptographers and engineers; We have made scientific advances in the underlying mathematics, and built a working, privacy-preserving variant of the Bitcoin software.

Who says Bitcoin isn’t private ? Not me, that’s for sure. But hey, if one of your pillars of existence is a strawman, who am I to stand in your way ?

The entirety of this “project” therefore appears to be predicated on the sandy foundation that Bitcoin transactions have taint and that this trail is in any way of practical value, a delusion maintained only by fearful beta-bois who wonder why and wherefore they didn’t fight back when the polizia came for their families in the night. Why didn’t they just pick up a rake and take a swing ? Why didn’t they just yell at the top of their lungs so as to alert their neighbours ? Why did they submit so willingly ??

What we’ve done

What we’re releasing today is a working “Technology Preview” release. Developers can download the source code, compile it, and connect to our live testnet. You can mine play-money “testnet-bux” and spend them with a fully private, cryptographically-protected transaction.

Basically, Zcash today isn’t even as operationally useful as Dogecoin or Litecoin. In fact, I’d be thoroughly surprised if Zcash ever attained anywhere near either of their market caps, which are ~56k BTC and ~352k BTC, respectively, at the moment. That Ethereum currently has a market cap of ~488k BTC took the entire might of the White House, which Zcash doesn’t have (yet?).

There is still much work to be done to make Zcash into an open system fit for a global marketplace. The current software is insecure in several serious ways, and testnet-bux are worthless and always will be. This Technology Preview release is solely for other developers and entrepreneurs around the world, who can help us inspect, debug, and improve the technology and who can learn how it works and how they can use it.

Everything we’re releasing today is under an open source licence and we have not applied for any patents on these inventions.

Please remind me, did the creator of the most successful cryptocurrency project to date, Satoshi Nakamoto, apply for any patents ? No ? Then what the fuck difference does this make.

As the maggot-infested state of FOSS projects well attests, you don’t want the input of the soi-disant “community” any more than you want recycled food and shared bathrooms down the hall. This kind of “sharing” is for the birds. What you (ie. sane people) want are PGP-signed patches from a list of known developers, just like TRB has. Any other approach is an exercise in self-flagellating-insanity-on-a-stick aimed exclusively at “fundraising” (ie. defrauding investors). Just a word to the wise.

Because privacy is a human right

We believe that personal privacy is necessary for core human values like dignity, intimacy, and morality.

This would be all well and good if there were such a thing as hyooman rightzzz, but there isn’t. The infantile simpletons who make claims to the contrary must necessarily commit the logical fallacy of Appeal to Authority. Oh, the United Nations said that everyone deserves a house ? And did the Latin Bible also say that homosexuals should be stoned to death ? That’s what you heard third-hand so it must be true. HOW COULD IT NOT !!1

Privacy is about consent. You have the right to choose which of your movements, words, and actions will be shared or published. You have the right to choose whether every detail of your life will be recorded and analyzed, by acquaintances, neighbors, family, employers, faceless organizations, or massive supercomputers.

If someone tells you that it is hopeless and that you have no privacy rights left, don’t believe them. It is worth fighting for, and we can win.

Again, you have no rights. You have what you take and what you fight for, nothing more. So if, as a biological adult, you’ve taken nothing and fought for nothing because that’s mean mkay, then you have nothing. Period. No one is going to make a business out of giving you free shit and also shining your shoes just because you’re such a fucking snowflake of a privilege to serve.

If you’re not paying for the product, you are the product, and any expectations that free products (per definitio the only kind that libertard dorks can afford) exist to serve you rather than to extract whatever meagre value can be squeezed out of you willingly, then you’re a grown ass boy who still believes in Santa and the Tooth Fairy. Grow up.

Because privacy is necessary for businesses

Companies need privacy in order to conduct their business. This is true for all sorts of companies, in all sorts of businesses.

Hint to potential Zcash investors : Just as you’d never take a golf lesson from someone who just started playing last year and who still can’t break 100 at the local muni, so too should you never take business nor investing advice from someone who just started a small business and can’t clear $1 mn a year in revenue. “All advice is good advice” is a sure-fire way to stay poor, nothing more.vi

I was surprised when I started talking to businesses about Zcash at the strength of the positive response from the financial tech industry. They’ve been developing “blockchain technology” products, and they’ve suddenly realized that they are accelerating toward a roadblock, because their customers (banks) have assumed all along that their “blockchain technology” product comes with privacy, and it doesn’t. Banks and their customers absolutely require privacy in their financial transactions.

And I was surprised when I started talking to the “financial tech industree” just how fucking sloooow they were, as if they’d been hand-picked for mental disorders and deficiencies (ie. maximum “diversity”).

Because privacy is necessary for commerce

A currency needs privacy to be long-term viable as a medium of exchange, because of fungibility. “Fungibility” basically means that “All coins are created equal.”. In a financial transaction, fungibility means the following: if someone offers to pay you $20, and they have two different twenty-dollar bills in their wallet, it doesn’t matter which one you take. The two $20’s are worth just as much as one another, and it doesn’t matter who any of the previous owners of either one of those $20’s was.

Fungibility is necessary for large-scale commerce. If, every time someone were going to accept money, they had to think about the consequences of accepting this particular payment vs. some other payment of the same amount, commerce would grind to a halt, or would be limited to small groups of shared trust.

As previously discussed, Bitcoin is already the most fungible currency on the planet. Creating a more fungible currency would be like playing poker and finding ~even better~ hidden queens. GLHF with that one.

In an open and programmable financial system, financial privacy is the only way to ensure fungibility.

Because privacy is a social value

We believe that privacy strengthens social ties and social institutions, protects societies against their enemies, and helps societies to be more peaceful and more prosperous. A robust tradition of privacy is a common feature in rich and peaceful societies, and a lack of privacy is often found in struggling and failing societies.

As we move more of our lives into the Internet, and integrate our lives more with the lives of people from around the globe, we want the new society we are building to be one of the peaceful and prosperous kind.

Do we want a prosperous society ? I certainly do. I want to live in a world where art and sciencevii flourish like a thousand cherry blossoms, but do I want a peaceful society ? Not particularly. I want a society where idiots pay for their stupidity with their lives so as to leave more room for those of us with reason, resources, and the divine bestowment of a lucky star. I want a society in which social mobility is spoken of as fantastically as unicorns farting rainbows and where the state is so small that I can fit it in my pocket. That’s what I want. This dream, of course, necessitates that much blood be spilled, both digitally and physically. So do I want a peaceful world ? Not particularly. I’ve already got one of those, thank you, and it’s really not all it’s cracked up to be, however much my personal position has benefited from it.viii

Join us!

These are the reasons why we are devoting these years of our lives to this project. Many of the leading thinkers in the Bitcoin community have already expressed their support. We welcome your help and support. You can find our conversations at the Zcash forum.

Coming soon: How is the Zcash project funded?

— Zooko Wilcox, Jan 20, 2016

Care to guess how Zcash will be funded ? That’s right : chumps like you.

There will, of course, be much media hoopla supporting Zcash. It simply has too many of the usual “tech“-encrusted muppets coalesced into a single shit brick not to break a few windows along the way.ix But that doesn’t change the outcome. Zcash will crash. This is the only possible outcome, and it’s one that will further tarnish the reputations of any and all involved as well as further embarassing their handlers who still can’t find the right assemblage of dumb faces and “mass adoption” strategies to muster up more than an amusing tickle.

So in the unlikely event that Zcash even manages to publish a functioning client, don’t throw away any more money than you would into a wishing well because Zcash is exactly that. No more.

Consider yourself warned.

___ ___ ___

  1. Which is to say that everything the wreckers try is right out of MP’s playbook. And that’s gotta buuurn.
  2. If you’ve been around long enough, you know this already, even if it’s hard to admit for redditards and their mouth-breathing ilk. If you’re new, well, consider this a very brief historical introduction. Now hit the books, kiddo.
  3. A band that includes, in no particular order and for posterity’s sake : (Scientists) Eli Ben-Sasson, Alessandro Chiesa, Christina Garman, Matthew Green, (Engineers) Ian Miers, Eran Tromer, Madars Virza, Nathan Wilcox, Daira Hopwood, Sean Bowe, Taylor Hornby, (Advisors) Gavin Andresen, Vitalik Buterin, Andrew Miller, Arthur Breitman, Joseph Bonneau, (Investors) Pantera Capital, Digital Currency Group, Fenbushi Capital, London Trust Media, Evolve VC, Naval Ravikant, Niraj Mehta, David Dacus, Roger Ver, Alan Fairless, Ben Davenport, Brian Cartmell, James Nicholas, and Jonathan Perlow.

    All of the aforementioned individuals and groups are hereby !rated -1, if not already rated at least as poorly by one of the Lordship.

  4. Though no one in my WoT has used Least Authority to my knowledge, so who knows how good/bad it is. This being said, the burden of responsibility is on the service provider to demonstrate that he doesn’t suck, which is categorically assumed that he does until proven otherwise. None of this “innocent until proven guilty” routine has any place in Bitcoin. It’s quite simply too expensive a behaviour in a world with a finite and known monetary base.
  5. “Good” and “the billions” are, however, a contradiction in terms. The billions, ie. the poor, can never be good. They can only steal, murder, rape, pillage, cheat, lie, swindle, and generally behave in a base manner. By definition. They don’t have the luxury of exercising the three graces because they can’t even produce more than they consume !

    This is not as I wish it were or want it to be either, it’s just how it is. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, as the poor are, by definition, they must do these things. It’s therefore only those of privilege who can be good because it’s only they who have the choice to give in to their carnal drives or to refine their sensibilities and temper their emotions. It can be no other way, which is also why the purpose of life, if such a thing can even be said to exist, is to obtain privilege.

  6. But you don’t have to listen to me either, do you ? Not at all ! You’re more than welcome to listen to all the other bloggers who are a) millionaire investors, b) in their twenties, and c) have taken the time out of their busy schedules to crack a few eggs of knowledge on your dumb head. Off with you. Go ! Scram !
  7. Not pseudoscience as is currently practiced in the charlatanic post-secondary institutions of the “civilised world,” mind you ; science such as Nikola Tesla’s science.
  8. Which, for obvious lack of a counterfactual, is both unknown and unknowable. Who’s to say I wouldn’t be even better off in a more violent environment ? Then again, what could be more violent than Bitcoin ? And I seem to be doing pretty well here.
  9. Which, as we all know, is good for GDP ! Now get our there and do your part for this “great recession” ! Go break some fucking windows already !!

7 thoughts on “Zcash will crash just like Gavincoin, Garzikcoin, XT, SegWit, and Classic. Now you know.

  1. […] blogerzy nie wróżą sukcesu zcash. Zwracają uwagę m.in. na skromne sukcesy biznesowe Wilcoxa. A także na to, że […]

  2. […] blogerzy nie wróżą sukcesu zcash. Zwracają uwagę m.in. na skromne sukcesy biznesowe Wilcoxa. A także na to, że […]

  3. […] Zcash sputtered and started like an old VW diesel, Ethereum and its unscrupulous founders flopped about like fish out of water, and “Classic” / “XTcoin” / “Hard fork” / “Soft fork that’s really a hard fork” all sucked a dead donkey. Bitcoin 2.0… what was that again ?   [↩] […]

  4. […] mean Zooko’s “private” coin that he himself has been undermining from the get-go ? Lol! Please, do a little more […]

  5. […] 23. Wences whacked, Xapo zapped. 24. Legal pluralism as it relates to Bitcoin. 25. Zcash will crash just like Gavincoin, Garzikcoin, XT, SegWit, and Classic. Now you know. 26. The layman’s guide to salvaging bitcoins in the era of Chicom miner monopoly. 27. PSA: […]

  6. […] free lunches have a way of being paid for eventually. It’s true for ZIRP, it’s true for block sizes, and it’s true for trash. So wouldja please stop listening to philosophastic bureaucrats who […]

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