A eulogy : Mike Hearn (2013-16)

For moles,i law makes no provision ;Mike Hearn
The wealthy have you in derision:
Of stateless affairs you cannot smatter ;
Are awkward when you try to flatter :
Your portion, taking America round,
Was just one annual hundred pound ;
Now not so much as in remainder,
Since Winterii brought in an attainder ;
For ever fix’d by right divine
(A monarch’s right) on Wall Street line.


O, what indignity and shame,
To prostitute the Muses’ name !
By flattering kings, whom Heaven design’d
The plagues and scourges of mankind ;
Bred up in ignorance and sloth,
And every vice that nurses both.

With apologies to Jonathan Swift, ‘ere liesiii Mike Hearn soi-disant “Software Engineer” of Potemkin shell corp “Vinumeris,” last known to reside in the otherwise lovely nation of Switzerland , and with the deeply lulzy G+ bylineiv :

I fix things when they break, and break things when they’re fixed.

The latter half of which you will be remembered for evermore. Forevermore. Fornevermore.

From shit you came, so you’ve stained, and yet you’ve left no mark.v

RIP Mike.

___ ___ ___

  1. It was well evident going on two years now that Mike Hearn wasn’t quite in-line with the basic tenets of Bitcoin as they exist. He wanted to “make Bitcoin easier” in the first phase of his career. This largely (but obviously not completely) went unnoticed and was therefore largely successful in that pieces of his work still exist in the ecosystem today, quite unlike the second phase of his career, which was a complete and unmitigated disaster from which there’s not so much as an overturned stone to show for it today. 
  2. Alex Winter wrote and produced Deep Web (2015), the only semi-hollywoodesque movie relating to Bitcoin so far. The rest have been shoe-string-budget documentaries. Anyways, Deep Web was supposed to be all the rage a few years ago, but then they couldn’t snag any big names because no one wanted to risk their reputation by running up against The Most Serene Republic’s narrative of Bitcoin history thus far, which is why this is the first time you’ve ever heard of Alex Winter.
  3. Hearn is, for the record, dead in the way that Alison Redford, Ben Lawsky, or Dominique Strauss-Kahn are dead, ie. politically. You might still claim that they’re “alive” and possibly even “doing just fine,” but have a private sit-down with any of them, look them in the eye, and ask them how their doing. If they can even hold your gaze at all, you’ll see how dead they really are.
  4. Which is itself almost golden as Hearn’s crop-hack profile pic, which calls to mind a recent convo in the house the house of his mortal enemies :

    mircea_popescu: Ok, another riddle for the ages: wtf is with all the chicks having much better looking chicks in their profile pics ? They ever-so-carefully avoid showing how fat they are. On one hand. And on the other…
    ascii_butugychag: Same thing as with job candidates having much better looking biographies in their CV ?

    BingoBoingo: ‘Catfishing” or more accurately ‘fatfishing’.
    mircea_popescu: Nono, I mean with them.

    ascii_butugychag: Ah!
    mircea_popescu: And they never say “I’m the ugly one” either. Or you know, “the short boring looking one”. It’s always “I’m the one in the right. I mean, taking pic with mom I can see, serious psychological disturbances. But… what fucking female doesn’t understand you find some UGLIER friends to wing for you ?!

    pete_d: It’s more like, “I have such a winning personality that beautiful people can’t help but hang around me. maybe you’ll be ~yet another~ such lucky person.” It’s an over-estimation of “internal” beauty.
    mircea_popescu: I guess it must be. or else it could be the ballas-diagnosed “challenge you to like me” sorta psychotic behaviour. Where was that article… https://archive.is/hm7JE#selection-473.0-483.98
    assbot: The Last Psychiatrist: Don’t Settle For The Man You Want

    mircea_popescu: I always thought that for someone who barely fucked, he had an extremely keen understanding of female fringe psychology.

    But the real test for TLP would’ve been unscrewing Hearn. If only TLP had accepted that invitation

  5. Though, arguably, “stress testing” is a thing, which is probably about the nicest thing you could say about him and the rest of the PRB pretenders.

4 thoughts on “A eulogy : Mike Hearn (2013-16)

  1. […] enjoy mocking these idiots not only because I stand to personally profit from it – for Bitcoin is nothing if not […]

  2. […] up the enemy’s pennies in front of our steamroller, lest we forget that there was also XT (also with 20 MB blocks), Garzikcoin (up to 32 MB blocks), SegWit, (same blocksize but loss of […]

  3. […] but what Future is attempting to do here is a Power Rangers-esque (the real ones, not USGavin and Hearnbot) coalensence into a Megazord-like meta-machine. Niggazord, if you will. […]

  4. […] as long as you do your required reading sooner rather than later, that’d be a reference to this Mike and that Gavin. […]

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