Conclavei is a timely look at the mysteryii and machinations of electing a new Pope from amidst the Cardinalate. Given the recent anointment of Pope Leo XIV (Robert Prevost), the film is enjoying renewed popularity fully nine months after its release, apparently even by many of the convened Cardinals themselves. But from behind a very different kind of velvet rope, how does the film hold up? Better than a cloud of white smoke?
The alignment of release and relevance is certainly noteworthy, but for lovers of conspiracy concealed theories the storyline itself feels only too procedural. Though that might be fitting in a meta sense, the under-explored loose threads are lamentable, eg. the curious circumstances of the former Pope’s passing being swept under the rug in exchange for “sexual scandals” between 30-year-olds and 19-year-olds, as if that’s some ginormous taboo age gap,iii particularly in 1990s Nigeria.
The highlight dialogues between Cardinals Lawrence (Fiennes) and Trembley (Lithgow) are beautifully judged and a delight for lovers of the thespian arts,iv and the stunningly convincing digitally-enhanced sets within the Vatican’s hallowed walls are a designer’s dream, but this is unfortunately insufficient to carry the day. The intentionally gibbled script mixed with oh-so-conveniently elided intrigues that place foreign intelligence / mafia-approved candidates atop true post-war thrones left the majority of the film’s suspense to be borne by the gender-bending finale. The rest was as predictable as they come, if still engaging enough to make the 120 minute runtime sail on by without repose. It’s middlebrow. It’s Hollywood.v It’s 3/5 stars.
- 2024, Directed by Edward Berger, starring the austere Ralph Fiennes, the exquisite John Lithgow, and the highly annoying Stanley Tucci. ↩
- Speaking of mystery, I just have to share this lovely moment this week with our 7-year-old Athenian:
Dad: don’t break the mirror because it’s 7 years of bad luck
Athenian: actually?Dad: yes actually
Athenian: well technically there’s no such thing as bad luck because God just decidesDad: and how does God decide?
Athenian: when He wants to give us a warningDad: why does God want to give us a warning?
Athenian: because He wants us to do the right thing, and we should, so He’s giving us a chanceDad: I see…
Seriously, where does this stuff come from?? ↩
- Plato suggested that 35-year-old men set their sights on 18-year-old women. Unless you think you’re wiser than Plato, I humbly suggest you check your priviledge. ↩
- eg.
- Hollywood, The Mafia, and The Vatican’s connections are more bizarre than you can imagine. Take, for example, the fact that from the 1960-90s Vatican officials partnered with Mafia-connected bankers Michele Sindona and Roberto Calvi to shelter illicit funds from heroin sales for Cold-War political gain. Once this underhanded arrangement was revealed in the 1982 Banco Ambrosiano scandal, Francis Ford Coppola then wove the whole affair into “The Godfather” franchise, which in turn was indirectly funded by Vatican funds via Paramount Pictures, while at the same the film script was literally edited by the Sicilian mob to remove any mention of “Cosa Nostra” from the release.
Not that scandals are any kind of novelty to the Holy See, so reports Venkatesh:
the printing press actually served Catholic Church corruption before it served the Protestant reformation. Apparently in the 67 years between the Gutenberg press printing the Bible (1450s) and Martin Luther’s 95 theses (1517) triggering the pamphlet wars, a significant use of the printing press was mass producing standardized indulgence certificates, with fill-in-the-blank details. It allowed the church to efficiently tokenize forgiveness for sins. One of the few surviving copies of printed indulgences is at Princeton.
The indulgence is basically a subprime-soul mortgage. The theological galaxy brain theory is that Jesus and other saints with their good works created a “treasury of merits” against which the sins of lesser souls could be offset. For a price. The economy got very sophisticated. Rich people could and did buy indulgences in bulk. Bankers underwrote debt issued against indulgence revenue. The poor were charged less for their indulgences than the rich (progressive taxation basically).
I was aware of the indulgence practice and its role in triggering reforms but I had no idea it was an organized ICO/memecoin market. As late as the 16th century, the construction of St. Peter’s Basilica was financed through a large-scale indulgence sale.