“The Banana Zone” is more fun when your banana is in the zone.

I was starting to get in my own kitchen…

Was getting richer no longer an aphrodisiac? Was I no longer attracted to her? Had I suddenly developed new kinks, ones that were somehow sine qua non for performance? Was I yesterday’s news now that my boys were growing up? Was I hitting the 43-year-old biological “wall” earlier than anticipated? Had I been neglecting muscle groups that needed more regular exercise than I realised? Was my isolated suburban existence depriving me of the visual stimulation required for full-body vitality? Seriously WTFBBQSAUCE was going on with “Little Pete” all of a sudden?!!

I already tried more regular visual stimulation (thanks IG), more regular club visits (thanks nkondi), more regular “exercise,” less regular “exercise,” had bloodwork done up (normal prostate), purchased sildenafil citrate online, tried rubber rings, and was generally running loop-di-loops in my head trying to find the missing puzzle piece, but nothing was doing the trick, and if anything the trendline was moving in the wrong direction… And then it hit me!

What had seemed like a little hiccup at the time was increasingly likely to be the key… About 6-8 weeks earlier, in the middle of “Captain,”ⁱ Little Pete had popped out accidentally and made direct impact with The Girl’s outer pelvic bone. OUCH! But only for a split second! There was no bruising, blood, or enduring pain; nothing knocked out of shape. We continued unabated and wrapped up with our typical synchronicity.ⁱⁱ I’d “missed” once or twice before over the years and had never been any worse for the wear long-term so I thought nothing of it.

But after banging my head(!) against a wall for nearly two months, it suddenly dawned on my that this particular “workplace injury” was different. Little Pete had zero history of missing beats and what had seemed so innocuous in the moment was apparently anything but. Now at barely 70% of his usual capacity,ⁱⁱⁱ with considerable slowness in engorgement and rather rapid disgorgement even with sizeable stimulation, clearly this “bonk” was taking a toll and wasn’t going to heal up by itself. If anything, whatever internal “sprain” or accumulated fibrosity he was suffering from was only taking stronger hold as one week slipped into the next.

Thankfully, The Girl’s formal medical training^iv (with the help some reproductive health podcasts she’d listened to) gave us everything we needed to start moving in the right direction. The top three recommendations? Pumps, pills, and shockwaves! Since the pills were already en route and the pumps reminded me too much of Austin Powers, she found a couple of local clinics that seemed to offer shockwave^v therapy for this kind of “ED” issue. After calling one and being told that I needed to go through my socialist family doctor first, we found another that was outside of the socialist system since it was “just” a physiotherapy clinic. Booking an appointment for the next day, I met with the (literal nigerian) practitioner who listened to my background story, observed that I was otherwise fit as a fiddle, and advised that I’d be a great candidate for a combination of Storz (focused shockwaves) and Flashwave (broad shockwaves), and that I might even see results after 1x $400 session but that realistically 3-5x would be required.

During the first 30-minute cock-shock session in which I was advised that even partial engorgement would actually improve treatment outcomes due to increased surface area, I did my best to handle the physical discomfort of the pulsing waves while I imagined the sexiest moments I could. So eager was I for results that I had zero misgivings about this being the first time another man would slather up my dong with jelly and rub me down for an extended period of time. I mean what’s the worst that could happen, he gets jealous of me?

Incredibly, after just 1x session, I was already at 80-85% capacity by that very same evening^vi and suddenly as optimistic as ever for a full recovery.^vii Surely, after a couple more visits to my new favourite nigerian, Little Pete would be good as new! The Girl was also on Cloud 9 seeing that our littlest (and most critical?) family member was clearly on the mend, and that she was able to play such a key role in his revival. It really is all about great people.^viii And bananas…

Lots and lots of of bananas!

1. I dunno who uses all these names in practise but I think you get the gist:

   

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2. Probably 50% we sync. Not bad imo!↩
3. Honestly Little Pete’s more rarin’ to go than my mind most days!↩
4. This is why it pays to educate women! Okay Taliban fuckers!! ↩
5. Since Count Dracula Bryan Johnson was already shockwaving his dong, what did I have to lose? I mean, I’m already on his “Blueprint Stack” even though I don’t plan on living for anywhere close to “forever!” ↩
6. Zombie-dong reactivated! Mitch approved:

   

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7. Maybe now I can start to actually enjoy the “Banana Zone”. Just needed a little zap to get me going!

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8. 

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