Worried about the fork?

Worried about the fork on August 1 2014 2015 2016 2017 ? Stop worrying and spend ALL YOUR CRYPTO on various and assorted fleshlight knock-offs.i Anything wrong with this ? Nope, not a thing!

“But Pete, shouldn’t be be hodling and beating off every Johnny-Come-Wallet-Inspector with everything at our disposal from shoes to baseball bats to fallen tree branches ?” Well, yes Little Timmy, but allow me to explain.

Y’see, the marketing for this particular advertisement is actually perfectly on-point. If you’re :

 Worried about FUD you read on Reddit because you’re too puerile to read the logs like a grown-up,
B) Under the impression that there’s a class of assets called “crypto” that includes anything other than Bitcoin,
C) Even potentially in the market for female-replacingii sex toys,

Then by golly Miss Molly that’s three strikes and you’re so fucking out of here it’s more than a bit ridiculous to pretend that you were ever “in” to begin with. Bitcoin, recall, is for men in the classical sense of the term, which means that said individualsiii may be either biologically male or female but they may not under any circumstances nor for any reasons be little scared bitches who guzzle spew while fundamentally (and often willfully) misunderstanding the workings of the world.iv Just because you’re 45-years-old and have a degree from MIT doesn’t mean you’re a man. Ask Gavin. Likewise, just because you’re 25-years-old and a woman doesn’t mean you can’t be a man either. Ask La Pucelle d’Orléans.

So if you’re genuinely worried about “the fork,” the fact of the matter is that you’re scarcely fit to handle plastic cutlery. Might as well stop worrying and hop on a plastic v-pipe. Enjoy the ride!

Not like there’s anything else useful for you to do.

___ ___ ___

  1.  Worried about the fork 
  2. As opposed to female-supplementing (eg. anal plugs, ball gags, etc.).
  3. It’s no small matter categorising or labelling “men” in toto for the simple reason that it’s by definition a collection of individuals, each with their own eccentricities, fancies, and predilections. Other categories, such as cattle, little girls, little boys, etc are far less controversial, containing as much variety as soup as they do. 
  4. What are the workings of the world, you ask ? Well, capitalism. Because how else could you possibly order the world intelligently ? To quote MP :

    What does the capitalist provide ? some guy, some American “intellectual” wants to know at some point in this endless desert of arid stupidity. Order. That’s what. And what if the workers could be organised, there’d be no need of the capitalist! Of course not. Except the entire thing is a circular construction, if we had water falling from the sky we wouldn’t need to bother drilling a well, would we ? No, we wouldn’t. We would be stuck waiting for the water falling from the sky however, which historically doesn’t work out too well. If we somehow managed to create order out of thin air we wouldn’t need the capital to organise things for us and create order that way.

    There are no alternatives to capitalism, only shared hallucinations.

4 thoughts on “Worried about the fork?

  1. […] great for you because there’s clearly a daddy-shaped hole in your being, so why fuss ? Just grab a fleshlight and enjoy the ride. Maybe smoke a bowl while you’re at […]

  2. […] This latter desire, an unbreakable screen, speaks to one of the key drivers of plastification for the ape generation. Glass is too fragile for spear-chuckers (even if it is less brittle than metal*) and wouldn’t the whole world just be a lot safer and more one-click-shopping friendly if it were plasdique ? […]

  3. […] a little ditty you’ll almost surely have missed, but if you’re at all keen on “crypto,” it’s one you’ll do well to pause and reflect […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *