5 simple rules for blogging, linking to sources, commenting, and generally making sense on the Internet.

Apparently, some shit has to be spelled out extra slow and twice as methodically as anyone with half a brain would expect because some idiots on the Internet have been given access to words they have no business even smelling, much less publishing on a public venue. Such are the follies of expectations, it seems, and of this not being Switzerland circa 1830.i

Regardless, some two-bit fuckwad of a derp who is “most well-known for his thought leadership into digital economies such as bitcoin” and a self-proclaimed “respected public speaking authority and author” named Travis Patron of Toronto, Canadaii has just tripped a wire he had no idea existed.

So this fucking kid reads Does Time Back Bitcoin or Does Bitcoin Back Time ? and thinks to himself “Gee golly wouldn’t it be great if some of the third-rate idiots reading my second-rate tweets and blogs knew about Pete’s first-rate idea ! And gee golly wouldn’t a swell way to share this first-rate idea with their little third-rate mouse brains be to break every rule in the Internet Handbook of Blogging and Citing Sources !” Thus was born some piece of shit article on some piece of shit digirati-esque website called “Diginomics.”iii Look it up if you must.iv

In any event, Travis Patron provides an excellent object lesson in what not to do on the Internet if you have any interest in making sense and generally surviving this ruthlessly complex digital landscape.v The lessons to all you wanna-be bloggers, admins, and commenters out there are as follows :

I. Link to the original source.vi

II. If you’re going to quote the name of the source, use the author’s name, not the name of his blog.vii

III. Clean up the formatting as necessary.viii

IV. Do not under any circumstances whatsoever be so goddam stupid as to leave a comment on the original source with a motherfucking HYPERLINK to your shameless fucking sham of an article after you’ve failed steps I-III.

V. Don’t delete comments or content. The world exists whether or not you fill your ears with sand.

That’s pretty much it. Are we clear ?

___ ___ ___

UPDATE : This is some lulz right here. After reading my comment on his blog and removing it, Travis initially corrected his glaring mistakes by linking to the original source and properly attributing me as its author. To notify me of this, despite all the “blah blah PGP, Bitcoin, and encryption are the future blah blah” on his blog, he sent me a plaintext e-mail with the update.

I responded with a politely worded pgp-gramix recognising his effort and including a link to the article you see above, just in case he hadn’t read it. He then replied to my ciphertext e-mail in plaintext and included the previously encrypted response, also in plaintext.

As if that weren’t astonishing and beguiling enough, the content of his e-mail took the cake : he asked me to take down this article and/or all mention of him and his derpy blog, calling it “unprofessional” as if he were an authority on professionalism worth the bother, while at the same time removing my quote and its correct attribution from his blog, without HIM taking down the rest of the offending and blatantly plagiarised article.

Sorry kid, that ain’t gonna wash. Not only do I not take orders from nobodies, but I don’t take kindly to idiots who think that Rule V doesn’t apply to them, or even that it only applies to comments. Guess what, it’s for content too. But rather than make a Rule VI just for this, I’ve amended Rule V accordingly. Now are we clear ?

___ ___ ___

  1. Really, I should know better, I spent enough time on social media.
  2. Fingerprint E465 FB9F 065F 4BF9 66AF 4654 07CC 5D7C 4A02 08B8 and sig, though unregistered in either gribble’s or assbot’s WoT.
  3. Naturally, I left him a comment so scathing it would scald the flesh off any but the toughest Canadian, who are typically virginally sensitive, so I archived the comment, obviously, with proof that the comment was published without moderation, doubly obviously, and which he deleted about 15 minutes after I posted it, triply obviously.
  4. Don’t give me this shit about “Oh but Pete, in not linking to Travis you broke one of your cardinal rules.” Fuck him and fuck that. I don’t show respect to nobodies who think they’re entitled to shit. Travis owes me an apology and I owe him the back of my hand. This ain’t no socially democratic Kansas Alberta, Toto.
  5. Though, to the kid’s credit, while I was penning this piece, he did clean up his fucking act, at least a bit, and is now in compliance with Rules I-III. It’s a start. See UPDATE.
  6. In the vein of Mircea Popescu’s Copyright Notice, ya never know, if I see a trackback and read your piece, I might have something to say. If I do, it will most certainly be to your benefit.
  7. Seriously, how fucking old are you ? Are you in Mrs. Humperdink’s fourth grade class or are you in the Northnorthwest County of a Purplenurpalia’s class ? Who wrapped your knuckles when you told them your AIBO ate your homework ? Hmm ?
  8. Contravex, for example, uses footnotes. It looks ridiculous if you have “iv” following a comma with no space in between. “Intravenous what ?” your readers will wonder. So either add the original footnote or delete the notation, it’s your call. Neither just isn’t an option.
  9. If you’ve got the keys, use the keys !

14 thoughts on “5 simple rules for blogging, linking to sources, commenting, and generally making sense on the Internet.

  1. BingoBoingo says:

    Best update ever. May your impolite shitpile from Rob Ford land learn from his impotent antics.

    • Pete D. says:

      Long may Travis’ corpse be an example to other “authors” and “thought leaders” who thought that the Internet was theirs for the taking, free from an existing hierarchy.

      Long may the playbook prove its ever-lasting value.

  2. brendafdez says:

    Shame on you, Pete! Now you’re ripping off this poor guy’s article on the 3 rules of successful blogging: https://travispatron.com/guest-blogging-goldmine-tom-corson-knowles/


  3. […] Bitcoin spaces. It’s not hard to be up-to-fucking-here with the sea of idiots and their infantile pretenses dragging down the glory of the Connected Age, y’know ? Eh, not that I let it rile me up too […]

  4. Mitchell says:

    Bahahaha. Let’s see if this one sticks.

  5. […] evaluate human potential in a snapshot. The difference between a 13-year-old student and, say, Travis is that one of them still has potential and therefore deserves the benefit of the doubt. And that […]

  6. […] Travis Patron how expensive it is to discern the wrong people (me) from the general population (not me). […]

  7. The beautiful thing about the internet Pete, is that no one makes the rules.

    You are free to post an article such as this and I am free to dub you a clown for doing so.

    • Pete D. says:

      Orly ? If it were indeed the case that “no one makes the rules,” then why isn’t this the same as this ? Not to mention, most importantly, most tellingly, and most damningly in your feeble-minded defense, this ?

      Looks to me like one of us made a rule (me) and the other one followed (you). So how about you stop taking your theories of how the world works off the back of Corn Flakes boxes or social media or whatever, you run along, and you come back again when you’ve stolen an idea that isn’t quite so readily refuted by such easily accessible evidence.

      More of this third-rate shenaniganning will only further tarnish your hilariously unwarranted and entirely self-ascribed ‘reputation’ for ‘thought leadership.’

  8. […] after Travis, he of 5 Simple Rules fame, recently popped by Contravex with the derpy “no one makes rules on the Internet” comment, he unsolicitedly dropped me a plaintext e-mail, which is reproduced below alongside […]

  9. […] again, idiots have their uses, particularly when they so readily serve up their own heads as an example to the entire world. As mats does here. […]

  10. […] la Travis, Anthony, etfc. Continuity and consistency are hallmarks of intelligence and therefore […]

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