In the interest of furthering domestic social and cultural interests, we here at CarEnvy.ca have put untold amounts of hard work into compiling a questionnaire full of the sort of burning questions that we believe anyone automotively-minded would ask of their favourite celebrities. Our inaugural Celebrity Carnadian Questionnaire features none other than Ed the Sock and Liana K, AKA Ed and Red from the long-running and frequently hilarious Ed + Red’s Night Party. Follow the jump to read their answers to our set of burning questions; special emphasis on “burning.”
CELEBRITY CARNADIAN QUESTIONNAIRE #1.
Subjects: Ed the Sock + Liana K.
1.) What was your first car?
ED: 1976 Toyota Corolla. Piece of Crap. But then I got it second-hand in 1983, I guess it was beyond it’s ‘best before’ date.
RED: The first car I drove regularly was in PoC territory too: a Chevy Celebrity. I think it was an ’87. The first car I bought I’m still driving! I’m not telling you what it is because it will prove once and for all how unglamourous Canadian showbiz is.
2.) What’s your dream car?
ED: One with a laser turret that pops out of the hood and vaporizes the idiots who can’t drive. And offensive pedestrians. And bike riders.
RED: I’d never buy any of these because I can’t take care of a performance engine, but I love the Aston Martin DBS (PS: V12 Vantage pictures = squeak!), and the Lamborghini Murciélago. The Reventón is gorgeous too but… I’m not sure I can dream that big. That’s not a car. That’s a spaceship. We could put lasers on that car for Ed. I also love the old vintage cars like the Rolls Royce Silver Ghost. I like Rolls period. Oh and then there’s classic Jaguars!
ED: I like those too, but spending thankfully my penis is of sufficient size that I don’t feel the need to spend ridiculous amounts of money on a car.
RED: To put this in perspective, the next car I’m looking at buying is a Prius. I think it looks like a spaceship too. Pew pew! Laser!
ED: She’s an adult. Really.
RED: You’re the one that brought up the lasers!
3.) What’s your most memorable experience involving a car?
ED: I can’t tell you that in a family magazine, but you’d be surprised how female gymnasts can make such good use of a small space.
RED: Yeeeeah the one story I can tell was about the one time Ed and I were acually in a Bentley. The dashboard alone cost $45,000. The floor mats were mink. I took my shoes off, wouldn’t put my feet down, and I was kind of scared.
I also don’t understand the appeal of limousines. I always slide around in them.
ED: No comment.
4.) Where in the world would you most like to drive?
ED: I don’t drive to enjoy myself, I drive to get places. What kind of idiot wants to drive someplace in particular? To see the scenery whip by you at 100 KM per hour? Forget it, there are better things to do with my free time (for example, see above answer).
RED: Umm… I guess I’m an idiot because I’ve always wanted to drive on the German autobahn. VROOOOOM! Otherwise I’ll get my ‘location driving’ fix playing Project Gotham Racing.
5.) Is the automotive world better off without Chris Bangle?
ED: Who the f**k is Chris Bangle? Was he responsible for ‘Manic Monday’ and ‘Walk Like an Egyptian’? If so, then yes.
RED: No no he’s the guy who does the magic tricks! … Okay seriously now, considering Bangle butts ended up on pretty much every full-sized car model in existence, the guy’s impact is undeniable. That being said, I hope those things go away soon, because they bore me. I do, however — I know I’m going to catch hell for this — like the Z4 roadster. He had a good long run at BMW though, so fresh blood will be nice, although Van Hooydonk was his co-conspirator on the Bangle butt so I don’t expect big changes in the designs.
ED: I still don’t know who Chris Bangle is. Or care.