Dave Scradley and Frank Poutinei recently published an entirely irrelevant and fairly chuckle-worthy diatribe on Medium entitled “Statement on Hard Fork by Canadian Economic Nodes.“ii As a resident of this fair land, and as one who has a better finger on the pulse of Bitcoin than any of my other compatriots,iii it’s my priviledge to fight against this unjust representation. En garde!
We, the undersigned, represent the Canadian users, investors and merchants which interact on a daily basis with the Bitcoin network. We are the frontlines of Bitcoin adoption and act as stewards of the Bitcoin brand in Canada. As Canadian Bitcoin exchanges, brokers, payment processors and service providers we are major economic nodes within one of the world’s most active and developed Bitcoin economies.
Who might these undersigned be, you ask ? Surely, they’ll be in the WoT for all their pretenses to representation. How not ? What other avenues for patron-client relations are there ? Let’s go through the list, shall we :
- Honey Badger, Bitcoin brokerage and ATM operators (British Columbia)
- Bitcoiniacs, world’s first physical Bitcoin exchange, ATM operators (British Columbia)
- Bitcoin Brains, leading Bitcoin brokerage, ATM operators (Alberta)
- Bitcoin Embassy, world’s first and Canada’s largest physical Bitcoin hub (Québec)
- Bitcoin Outlet, online Bitcoin exchange website (Québec)
- Bylls, bitcoin payment processor specializing in bill payments (Québec)
- Coincards, service allowing Canadian to spend bitcoins for Canadian gift cards (British Columbia)
- Coinkite, Bitcoin Point-of-Sale and secure hardware manufacturers, Inventors of Opendime (Ontario)
- Crypto Broker, Bitcoin broker and digital currency experts (Ontario)
- Crypto Jeweler, Service to purchase jewelry with Bitcoin (Ontario)
- Échange de Montréal, Forex and Bitcoin physical exchange (Québec)
- Jordan Samulaitis, Bitcoin broker (Manitoba)
- Satoshi Counter, Physical Bitcoin exchange and services center, ATM operators (Québec)
- Satoshi Portal, Bitcoin brokerage and fintech app development (Québec)
- QuickBT, popular online Bitcoin buying service (Ontario)
- Yuri Yerofeyev, Bitcoin broker (British Columbia)
It would be egregious enough an offense if a few of these names were lacking representation in TMSR, but none of them are there. None of them WoT, and wouldja believe that therefore none of them exist and we could all continue on our merry ways were it not for the fun that we have poking slow kids with sticks. To be sure, this isn’t to say that some of the clients of the aforementioned don’t exist – we all need to move in and out of fiat de temps en temps – but the zamboni driver claiming that his signature carries the weight of the team, the owners, and the fans is a bit ridiculous. Well, more than that really, it’s fraud.
As economic nodes representing end-users, providing legitimacy and value to the blockchain, we hereby assert our role as core components in achieving consensus on the rules of the Bitcoin system.
Unfortunately for these imposters, who add absolutely no legitimacy and only a mouse shit’s value, even doing a few million bucks a year in business isn’t enough to call yourself an “economic node.” That title is reserved for those with thousands, tens of thousands, and yes, hundreds of thousands of TRBcoins at their disposal ; the kind of gravitas needed to sink hard forks on the open market. Or have you forgotten the 20MB block drama of two years ago so soon ? That a few bits might stick to the fingers of these merchants does not make them political players. Not yet, at least. Certainly not until they WoT up or shut up.
We support the activation of Segregated Witness as an immediate solution to Bitcoin scaling and as a fundamental component of a long-term capacity increases roadmap.
That these tards denigrate with one hand the same shit soup that their other hand relishes is beyond reproach and speaks volumes only to their disconcertingly modest intellectual abilities. Though that the same broken cabezas that aren’t in #trilema and aren’t registered with deedbot should know no bounds when it comes to internal contradictions and inadequately analysed plans can be no surprise to the armchair psychoanalyst. These kids are probably also excessively close with their mothers and wet their beds into their early teens. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just so long as they don’t try to affirmative action their way into pretended soap opera roles.
We strongly believe that a hard-fork, as actively considered by Bitcoin Unlimited or Bitcoin Classic, would cause massive disruption in our ability to onboard new Bitcoin users and would create irreparable damage to Bitcoin and to our businesses. We unequivocally oppose the Bitcoin Unlimited network split proposal.
Emphasis not added. Twas original yo. Anyways, more to the point, there’s no “Bitcoin Unlimited” “debate”. #trilema sets Bitcoin policy and that’s that. Don’t like it ? Tough beans. Try your hand at sous-pont graffiti if you want to make a more lasting mark. History has proven this simple fact in the Bitcoin space time and time again but I guess some folks just aren’t noticing. Really, if derps wanna go hard fork with Lighting or Unlimited or their mother’s tuna sandwich, let ’em!
In order to protect the Bitcoin brand, to which our business are inherently associated with, and in accordance to our respective efforts to educate the public and foster clear understanding of what Bitcoin is, in the case of a hard fork:
- We will refuse to integrate the Bitcoin Unlimited coin (BTU) in our products and services offerings.
- We will not list BTU as an alternative currency option alongside BTC
- We will not publicly offer services to buy, sell or trade BTU
This is such rank nonsense already. You’d better believe that anyone who isn’t badly underweight bitcoin (myself included) is going to sell the shit out of their newly minted fat-alts with anyone who will make a market for them, all while these self-righteous motherfuckers snub their pudgy noses at the business. “Economic nodes”… the gall! These guys are so anti-economic Bahamas is jealous. This isn’t how you kill hard fork proposals, this is how you dance like a million angels on the head of a pin!
Not that anyone gives two gravy-covered fries about a bunch of brokers no one’s barely heard of and whether or not they’ll buy, sell, or trade an altcoin. If they won’t, thanks to the magic of the market, someone else will! So unless mafia dons started writing op-eds for jizzmodo when I wasn’t looking, these guys have as much recourse to enforcement as a squirrel does when it snows before he buries his last chestnut. If the “undersigned” want to give away business to their competitors, all the better! For everyone! Anyways, the Medium post rambles on for a bit therafter, pretending all the while that outlines for changes to the Bitcoin protocol aren’t firmly laid out already.
Derpatronic hoes these. Indeed, sir, indeed!
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- Aka. David Bradley of Calgary AB and Francis Pouliot of Montreal QC. ↩
- Using Medium instead of your own blog is, for the record, unforgivable even for heavyweights, nevermind weights so feathery they’re readily mistaken for mirages. You’re not “reaching the people” and you sure as fuck aren’t saving $100 a year on hosting. All your doing is propping up another scam. And to sadly, weepingly quote Taleb, if you don’t call a fraud a fraud, you’re a fraud! ↩
- While geography isn’t so much of a big deal online, the political representation from the Great White North is poor to say the least. Maybe it’s all the fine skiing distracting ? ↩