2025 BMW M4 Cabriolet: Drop-top meh-mobile.

Sometimes I wish the pain would stop… and no, not the pain inside my eardrums from breaking-in my new Guards Red Marshmallow on the low-quality tarmac typical of the great white north…ⁱ but rather the psychic pain from watching the (non-Porsche) German car industry continue to seppuku Götterdämmerungslogikⁱⁱ to such a degree, particularly as it comes to its “performance” models and once-hallowed performance “brands.”ⁱⁱⁱ

Recently, I had some duly harsh words for AMG and its catfish-cuckmobile, but this week was a chance to potentially reconsider my increasingly bitter sentiments towards the breadth of the German “sports car” category with some time behind the wheel of the 2025 BMW M4 Cabriolet. After coming away pleasantly surprised by the new BMW 760i last month, and being similarly impressed by a Laguna Blue’d E46 M3 I drove a few weeks ago, I was quite looking forward to seeing how the newest bucktoothed Beamer would stack up.

Sizing up the new G82 Cabriolet, it’s hard to ignore the the great-grandfather of the E46 is fully 2″ longer than a G45 BMW X3, so it’s a big ol’ girl, but so is a Bentley GTC, which was actually my mental benchmark going in. The M4 seemed like a plausible cut-price Conti, no? Auto transmission, turbo engine, cruiser disposition, Teutonic build quality, latest tech, seating for four… check, check, check.

But then you open the door, which is too long and flimsy, and you sit inside the cabin, which is too plasticky and tacky, and you reach for the seatbelt, which is too far away, and you adjust your seat, which has the stupid canted headrest that’ll give you neck problems, and you start-up the engine, with the gay little red button on the centre console, and you hear the engine, which is Camry quiet, and you fiddle with the engine and suspensions settings, using the obviously low-rent dash screens, and you diddle the dildo shifter into Drive, which feels Fubar clumsy, so you set off down the road, getting kicked by the firm suspension and unrigid chassis, and you try turning and braking, which are actually better than you expect after everything else to this point because it mostly goes where you want and stops when you want, and you drop the top while on the move, which is a neat little party trick, but you just can’t shake the feeling that isn’t a 6th generation product of the distinguished M3 bloodline, but rather a 1st generation effort from the Koreans, like maybe Genesis.

But for your CDN$ 150`000 these days, the middle-upper-range two-door sports car market is Ozempic thin. You’ve got this “blue yourself”^iv bruiser, Lexus LC500, base 911 Carrera, or Mercedes CLE53?? Audi RS5 is MIA and Merc C63 is DOA… so can it be any wonder that today’s yuppies favour 2.5-tonne “coupé” sport-utes over 2-tonne “coupés” like this? I’d personally take a Cayenne fastback over the G82 convertible every day of the week.

So yea, it’s a solid 3.5/10^v and probably would’ve been lower had it not sneaked in a “giggle factor” point with my sons when we took it to the golf course on a cool Monday evening and the roof dramatically dropped back behind us, much to the delight of our boys, but when we had the choice to take the M4 back home at the end of the evening or hop on a couple of Lime scooters, they chose Lime in a snap. Seriously, dear automakers, if you want to think about succession planning and seeding future buyers, know that the benchmark for fun is now a two-wheeled electric sled that tops out at 24 kph (15 mph) and retardedly slows down to half that if it thinks you’re on the wrong sidewalk. If you can’t top that, your “enthusiast” offerings can never be more than branding exercises for your elderly, soon-to-be-deceased existing customers.

Contrariwise, the Laguna Blue E46 I drove recently was a sheer delight: fast enough, solid-feeling, right-sized, and with a short-shift kit had the tightest, most direct, and most satisfying manual gear change in memory. The E46 was “worth” less than 1/3rd the price of the G82 objectively but probably 3x subjectively. That’s a 9x value spread!

So unfortunately, instead of feeling like a Budget Bentley, the new M4 comes across like an over-priced 240i. At best, the G82 is for 50-somethings who can’t afford a new Ferrari, or a new 911 Turbo Cab, and still want to take their young children for ice cream, because of course they had children in their 40s since they were “busy” with their “careers” in their 20s and 30s.

Alas, for those of us who love driving, are still in our 30s, and started families in our 20s, we’re better off with an MLB Evo sled and side-piece GR86 for the same money. Or for all-purpose cruiser, 2011-18 Conti GTC. Those are less painful choices, at least.

1. Seriously the new 992.2 GT3 does not work as a “touring” car, at least in the more northern parts of North America. Up here it’s a track car, wing or no wing. Maybe the wingless version work for going to Cars & Coffee at city speeds, but at highway speeds there’s enough road/tire noise to leave your ears ringing after 30 mins of driving, nevermind a 4-hour trip to the mountains. So unless you’re an aged-out rock musician, the GT3 is just too unfiltered to be used as a grand tourer. And this is on Michelin Cup 2 tires! So might as well spec the wing, kiddos, because you’re taking it to the track anyways. Or else the car is just sitting in your garage until you trade it in for a GTS or Turbo that you can actually tolerate, which is what 90% of people who buy these should seriously be driving anyways…

   

   The jury’s even still out whether the new GT3 works with a manual? Yes, it’s one of the “last” manual sports cars on the road, but the clutch is still quite springy in the newest-gen, if slightly more feelsome than 992.1, and the shifter still has a bit too much play for my liking to the point that a Numeric short-shifter kit seems a worthwhile upgrade.

   The new folding buckets are fantastic though… as long as you’re not fat. They’re hugely hugging, all-day comfortable (as long as you take everything out of your pockets), perfectly positioned, and even heated. I didn’t find the 918 buckets in the GT4 difficult to get in and out of, but that’s just all those years of yoga and ballet paying dividends in middle age. Take note, parents!

   Other early observations after 1`000 km (600 mi) in the first week: the steering with new “S/T” calibration is very setting sensitive. In Normal at city speeds it’s completely dead on-centre, but at highway speeds in Sport it’s closer to “unbothered, moisturised, happy, in my lane, happy, flourishing”. In Track it’s properly direct and somewhat communicative but perhaps still not what you’d call alive or exciting. Perhaps this is the right compromise though, so I’ll reserve final judgement on this particular control system until the car is fully broken in at 1,600 km (1000 mi) and we can get it out for a rip at SCR, hopefully by mid-August.

   

   ↩

2. Götterdämmerungslogik, or “Twilight of the Gods,” is Wagner’s 1876 opera title that itself calques the Old‑Norse Ragnarök. In 20th century German culture it became a metaphor for catastrophic collapse of the whole order, a mind‑set in which actors embraced complete self‑destruction as the only “logical” or honourable finale once downfall appeared inevitable, which was actually leveraged by Goebbels and Hitler in 1944–45 to explicitly frame total war as a Wagnerian finale: Besser tot als besiegt (“better dead than defeated”). It’s not a perfect parallel to the ritualistic Japanese suicide seppuku, but it’s not entirely removed aesthetically. ↩
3. J. B. has the classic take on “brands” from 2018 article “No Fixed Abode: Plate Tectonics of the Prestige Drift” :
   

   More and more effort has to be diverted from engineering and testing to marketing and social media. It damages the product even as it tries to save it.

   ↩

4. ↩

5. I don’t think I’ve been this disappointed by a new car since the 2009 Toyota Venza, a car whose review got me banned from the Japanese maker’s press fleet back in my car reviewing days:

   

   ↩